Dating after divorce, in one way or another, is similar to dating after a break up in terms of going through it, healing, getting over it, and then moving on. However, the former has more intricate matters of difference and gravity.

Some similarities

Dating after divorce, just like after a regular break up, requires you to be truly over your ex (in this case, ex spouse). Being ready is still the key.

Obviously the aim is to find love after divorce. Therefore, just like a regular break up, you have to think and reflect on why your previous relationship or marriage fell apart. Evaluating your failure will enable you to be prepared for dating again after divorce. Thoughtfully consider how to avoid the same pitfalls so that your relationships after divorce will be better and happier.

It will require you to take small steps (slowly but surely) and move on with your eyes opened, rather than with caution. You want to be seen as available, but not guarded to the extent that a potential partner might be scared away. Just as in a regular break up, give yourself the opportunity to meet new people, be open to new situations and look open your next “beau” with measured anticipation. Have fun knowing them before looking for the next serious relationship.

Some differences

Unlike a regular break up of lovers, divorce often carry with it the stigma of the woman (or the man) being a failure and a loser in marriage. Thus entering into the dating world after a divorce requires you to brush aside any criticism that may be thrown at you, directly or indirectly.

Since marriage is higher tier, being made legal and initially binding, divorce may bring more pain. Healing in itself may require a much longer time before you can even consider dating again. So make sure you are truly ready for this new chapter in your life.

Dating and Children

Then there’s the issue of children. If you have children, you’ll need to assess their emotional strengths. They may feel embarrassment or their own level of rejection when they learn their mom or dad is dating again. If you don’t have children, then it’s only about your need to evaluate your own self-confidence when considering throwing yourself into the world of dating.

For women

When dating divorced men with children, a woman also needs to consider that if he’s a custodial parent and the dating moves to the next level (relationship then marriage), she’ll be a stepparent. This may sound daunting, but it’s inevitable. Nevertheless, if the true aim of dating for you is to find a better, lasting relationship that leads to marriage, such consideration is important. The same applies to men dating divorced women with children.

When dating a divorced man with children, it may look like the man is only looking for a caretaker of his children. So a woman should first discern the sincerity of this man’s motives before she allows herself to be in a position of attraction.

For men

For a man dating a divorced woman, consider that if she’s newly divorced, she might be on a rebound and the man may be viewed as a rescuer. Sounds appealing, but it’s still unhealthy. Dating may be fun for her at this stage in her life, but the man might end up feeling used and hurt. Make sure you are “healed” before starting to date.

Finally, it was the marriage that ended or died, not you. So be patient and take your time when dating after divorce. Life still has more to offer you.